I normally do not read self-help books, but I saw a few of my Facebook friends talking about this book and my dad had a copy. I have never seen this man read a book in my life so I think that’s what really struck my curiosity.
If you are really serious about your current relationship or finding real love, then you definitely should read this book. It’s easy to read and it offers opportunities for you to reflect while reading. There are plenty of gems, but here are the few that stuck out to me.
- Love is a choice
- Everyday we make choices. What are we having for dinner, what color shirt to wear, nail polish, etc. It never occurred to me that love is a choice as well. I always thought it was an involuntary feeling. “I love you because it was meant for me to love you.” Now, I see everyday that I choose to either show love or hate. And thinking back to when I came out of the euphoric “in love” stage, I kept loving or choosing to love because I wanted to. Because I felt it had been earned and I was in a safe place to be trusting and vulnerable.
- What I need to work on is continuing to show love when I feel a person has wronged me, intentionally or unintentionally. Not being spiteful. At the end of the day, I can only control myself and the vibes I want the universe to give back to me.
- Keeping the Love Tank Full
- This concept reminds of the “what you won’t do, another one will.” I think most people use that to make demands, but this book put it into a different perspective. For example, your primary love language maybe acts of service and your partner’s might be quality time. In your mind you’re showing love, but to your partner, you’re too busy for them. So instead of saying “oh they should know I love them because I do XYZ” you have to speak their language to keep the tank full. Because eventually they’ll seek someone who appears to speak their language and do the things you don’t.
- If you are actively choosing to love, speaking your partner’s love language shouldn’t feel like a burden. You should find satisfaction in knowing you did something to make them feel loved. For example, I’m not a touchy, feely type of person, but I know my partner needs that. So I plan to use the tools in the book until it becomes second nature.
People always say communication is key in any relationship. What’s most important is HOW you communicate. Understanding your love language and your partner’s will make communicating a lot easier. Definitely ask them what’s make them feel loved the most and what makes them feel unloved. And remember change takes time. Take a step everyday and stay encouraged.
If you’re not sure what your love language is, create a profile and take the assessment. The link is below!
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Love Languages Assessment