Easier said than done. It took me years to build up enough courage to stop allowing others to mistreat me. Especially family. I’m the type, well was the type of person, who would wipe out their bank account to help out family. Would literally be walking around with my account in the negative because I gave my last to help someone else. Stupid right?… Well, I did it out of the kindness of my heart and with the mindset of “If this was me and someone was able to help me, I would want them to help me.” I wasn’t realizing that I was hurting myself in the process.
Now, I feel like I’m at the other end of the spectrum with dealing with certain people in my life. They can’t ask me for a penny. I barely pickup the phone. Instant alarm when I see their name on my phone because the trust was destroyed. That’s the worst thing you can do. . . Use someone with pure intentions and NEVER apologize or even acknowledge that you wronged them. I’m in no rush to repair those relationships because I have peace of mind. My heart isn’t heavy. My god knows and I know who I am as a person. I will never do anything for anyone to throw it back in their face. I won’t do anything for anyone for kudos. If it’s not in my heart to do it, I’m not doing it. If it’s not in my budget to do it, it ain’t happening.
I feel like this is my time to pour into myself. To make the moves I need to make to secure my future. And I don’t want to feel like “oh I can’t do this for myself because I have to take care of so and so.” Once Amirah has taken care of Amirah, then I will help who I can. I just hope people can respect that and understand I go to work everyday to support myself, not Coolio and the gang.